How Our Families Are Managing During Unprecedented Pandemic Parenting Times
It seems that in the past few weeks, we went from feeling like the COVID-19 virus was no big deal to much of our country shutting down indefinitely. We are all living in a state of uncertainty about the future, and we all know that uncertainty breeds anxiety.
After doing a series of blog posts related to anxiety, we thought it was appropriate to do a post this week on how Mallory, Katie, and I are managing these rapid changes in our own lives. On the blog today, we are each taking turns talking about how our families have been affected, how we are managing our own anxiety, and how we are talking to our kids about the virus.
Lori’s Family
This past week was our spring break. Fortunately, we had planned to have a low-key spring break anyway, as we have a Disneyland trip planned for early May. However, my parents were scheduled to come out over their spring break (my mom is a high school math teacher), and they had to cancel their trip. This was hard news to tell my kids, but they took it very well. My 5-year-old daughter said, “it’s probably best since it’s raining here anyway”.
As a result of CDC information, we started practicing social distancing. We had a talk with our kids about changes to outings and school cancelations due to the virus. My children were diagnosed with flu B over a month ago, and it was a rough few weeks as we juggled staying at home with our kids, work, and caring for them at home. So they are acutely aware of how miserable a virus can be, and our desire to avoid getting it and spreading it to others. My husband and I talked about the virus and let them know that lots of people would be talking about it. We just let them know that it was like Flu B (or “Bee Flee” as my 3-year-old likes to refer to it) but it spreads very quickly, so we have to be safe not to spread it to everyone. We explained that is why school was closed, and we would not be going birthday parties or other activities (no trampoline places, bounce house places, or even playgrounds).
Sundays, my family typically attends church or we are teachers in our kids’ classroom at church. As churches were canceled, I know many were saddened at the idea of missing out on the community and comfort that can bring in uncertain times. Sunday evening, I was on Instagram checking up on messages from all of you folks in our community, and I saw that Brene Brown had gone live. My daughter and I sat and listened to her sing “Let it Be” with 17,000 other people around the world. It was surreal and moving to share in this experience with so many people despite being cut off from physical contact with others.
Right now, I have a lot of anxiety about our future, as I know many of you do. I have anxiety about my parents and grandma getting sick. I have anxiety about the future of schools and the economy. As a small business owner who is not contracted with insurance, I feel a great deal of anxiety about finances in the coming months. I want to acknowledge that and not pretend it isn’t there. I am sitting with it, as uncomfortable as it is. The thing about anxiety is that, at times our worst-case scenarios will happen. People may get sick. People may die. A recession may hit. But the truth is, that we often underestimate our ability to cope when these things do happen.
Sunday night, my husband and I talked about how, in our hardest time with our family and in our marriage, we have often grown the most and experienced some of our best times looking back. We decided that we would try to plan to enjoy this unique time we have to be with our family, and try to enjoy each other. We played charades, chutes and ladders, and lots of “Zingo”. My husband and I might be having some “date nights” on our beautiful back patio that is lovely this time of year. And we might have some fun themed family parties over the weekend. Sometimes, it takes situations like this to force us to slow down, enjoy what is in front of us, and realize that the world won’t end if we don’t go into work today. I am not denying that I feel anxiety right now, but I am also trying to enjoy the present.
Katie’s Family
As I sit down to write this, I feel like I should say something super positive and inspiring. Across settings and seasons in my life, that is almost always my role. I love building people up, embracing their big and small victories, and finding the silver lining in every situation. I think that is why I love my job as a speech pathologist, because I can always find something to celebrate with the children I see for therapy. That being said, this week has been extremely difficult for me and I am having a hard time finding the joy. Part of me wants to say that I’m “just so excited” to meet these new challenges. But that would be a lie. A bigger part of me is learning to be vulnerable and honest, which includes ALL of the feelings… not just the happy ones. At the moment, I mostly feel exhausted.
This past week began with my husband and I trying to decide whether to fly our family of four from Phoenix to Florida for spring break. We have been planning the trip for months, and we were going to stay at the beach in an Airbnb with my sister and brother-in-law who happen to be two of our favorite people in the world. We made the decision to stay home and as the news progressed, it became clear we had made the right decision. Shortly after that, we learned more about social distancing and decided that this was the best choice for our family. For the time being, we are staying home. As most of you have probably experienced, that decision led to a quick (read: stressful) series of steps, things like buying extra food, cancelling any non-essential appointments, and preparing a few activities to keep us all entertained in the house for an indefinite amount of time. My children were honestly amazing about all of these changes. We made a giant list of things we wanted to do on our “extended spring break” and started tackling the list.
While working to get our family situated, my husband and I have both been managing our careers during an absolutely unprecedented level of chaos. He moved his office into our house, and is now attempting to work remotely while our sweet little ones run in circles around him. I am the director of a (relatively) small speech therapy practice, which is part of a larger psychology practice in the heart of Phoenix. Usually our practice sees about 65 children a week for individual therapy and social groups. As concerns continued to grow with regard to safety and health due to COVID-19, we realized that it wouldn’t be feasible to continue seeing children face to face. For the past three days, I have been diving head-first into telepractice, learning everything I can teach myself about how to move our practice online by the end of the week. After several sleepless nights of researching and worrying about how we will possibly make this work, I am starting to figure it out. Here’s to hoping we will hold our first official telespeech sessions by the end of this week.
For me, change is always the hardest thing. Once I get into a rhythm, I tend to do pretty well… But I like to know what the situation is first and then I can settle in. This week still feels like another week of transition, and then maybe next week will feel more consistent? I really don’t know, but I can hope! My kids thrive on routine, so we are working hard to maintain some sort of structure since they are both out of school for the foreseeable future. We are doing daily walks in the neighborhood, mommy-led piano lessons with my 5 year old, FaceTiming with grandpa and grandma, and spending extra time in our flower/veggie garden.
I know that at the end of the day, we are incredibly blessed to be safe and have the opportunity to work from home. My immediate instinct is to protect my children from any negative feelings, and sometimes that just isn't possible. We can’t control what is happening outside of our house (even though I really want to!) but we can control what is happening within our own homes. My goal is to hold space for all of the emotions… starting with my own.
Mallory’s Family
My family has been privileged in almost every way possible during this transition. My husband works remotely, so his transition to working at home has been of almost no consequence (with the exception of less travel than usual). As a SAHM, my routine has required very little shifting. My preschooler's school has obviously been cancelled, so he is home with me and his toddler brother. Again, however, this transition hasn't been much since he was only attending 3 days/week for 3 hours/day. I am incredibly grateful that, at this time in our life, social distancing does not change our day-to-day much. The privilege of this is not lost on me. My heart is with all families that are struggling with this massive transition.
We absolutely miss our outings... we are busy-bodies and thrive on exercise, playdates, and social connectedness. We are attempting to maintain social connections and activity with lots of FaceTime playdates, ample outdoor time, and long walks.
My boys are young (1.5 years and 3.5 years). I haven't yet tackled the subject of COVID-19 with my 3-year-old. I've been waiting it out... trying to see what changes he notices and what questions he has. I don't want to alarm him, as I know there is much of this he simply can't be expected to understand. Yet, I know that children are incredibly tuned-in to their parents' emotions and sensitive to changes in routine. I believe the time will come soon that I will talk with him about the virus. He is starting to ask why he can't see his bestie "Doco" (my sister, who we call Coco) and his grandparents. He's asking for activities that we have to turn down (park, gym play area, etc.). As I write this out... yes, the time has come for this conversation.
As a family, we are coping well for now. Some days are better than others. I try to get myself ready every morning, limit news intake, move my body for at least 30 minutes, keep my boys engaged as best I can (more screens than usual!), and go to bed with a clean house each night so I can wake up to a fresh start. I look forward to the day that we can look back on this pandemic and think... "Wow, that actually happened." Until then... hang in there!
We are so grateful for all of you in our community. We communicate with so many of you on a regular basis on Instagram and over email, we have truly developed wonderful relationships. Please know how grateful we are to have this community right now, and we are looking forward to staying connected with all of you.
