7 Tips for Creating Parenting Goals You Can Crush in 2020!
We want you to take some time to celebrate your accomplishments over this past year! Be proud of the goals you met and all the amazing experiences you had. We also want to reflect a little on areas for improvement in the new year. As you think back on the year, did you find it difficult to have positive interactions with your child on a day to day basis? Were you feeling overwhelmed by your child’s behavior or emotions and unsure of how to help? If so, now is a perfect time to sit down, get out a pencil and paper, and start making some parenting goals for the new year. We know you might be planning resolutions right now, so on the blog we are sharing 7 tips for making goals you can crush in 2020!
We love providing you with inspirational quotes and parenting tips, but we also realize that this information may not actually result in change without a clear plan. For instance, when we do therapy with families, we work with both parents and children to create clear goals and actionable steps towards those goals. Today, I am focusing on goals you can create for parenting, but you can also create these goals along with your child. Older children can also start to get in the habit of setting their own goals in different areas of their lives.
So before I get into tips for creating goals, lets first discuss goal-setting theory. Goal setting theory (first proposed by Edwin Locke in 1968) is the idea that if we develop an action plan, we can increase motivation towards that end goal. Research over the years has shown support for setting goals and increased performance and achievement. However, there are several things to keep in mind to make you more likely to succeed in reaching your goals in the new year.
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Write your goals down.
This is one of the most critical steps. Putting your goals in writing will result in you being more likely to achieve them. So make sure you write them down (pencil, paper, or computer if you are like me and have terrible handwritingJ). -
Write specific and measurable goals.
How will you know if you have met your goal? Using numbers or very specific objectives makes you more likely to adequately track your progress and in turn be successful. For instance, if I were to say that my goal is to be kinder to my child, that is subjective and unclear. Instead, I might say I will tell my child 3 things I love about them each day. Doing this will result in me being kinder, but it is specific and easy to measure if I am achieving it regularly. -
Make challenging and ambitious goals.
Contrary to what you might think, challenging goals result in increased achievement more so than easy goals. So this year, let’s all dream big. What do you envision for your family? If someone were to wave a magic wand in your home, what would your interactions look like as a family? This might feel impossible compared to where you are at today, but that is ok. It might take a whole lot of hard work, learning, and change in your family, but it will be worth it. Think about what you want your family to look like and then step back from that end goal and start to think about the small actionable steps that could lead you there. For instance, you might envision your child going on play dates, remaining calm during transitions, playing games with the family, or being happy to attend school. But you might also know that to get to these places your family might need therapy to work on interactions with one another, your child might need a new evaluation so you can better understand and address their needs at school, you may need to read a book or take a course to learn more skills, you might need weekly support and community with other parents, or your child might need individual therapy to develop coping strategies to manage emotions. All of these things require time, commitment, consistency, and hard work. But we know these things can really result in change to bring joy to your family. -
Make attainable goals.
For instance, if your child has ADHD or you have young children who like to tantrum a lot (hand raised), having a quiet home is likely never going to be attainable. Make sure your goals provide you with a challenge and some work, but are are also attainable given your child’s developmental level, your own skill level, finances, etc. -
Identify dates when you will check-in on your goals.
For instance, in my business, I usually do quarterly check-ins to make sure that I am meeting my financial or other goals. This allows me to make adjustments in the amount of work or my effort based on the progress I am making. When it comes to personal goals, I have been much more relaxed in this area. I usually write my goals on my phone and just check in on them throughout the year. However, this year I plan to set calendar reminders to check on my progress more consistently. -
Create both learning and performance goals.
A lot of times when we set goals for the new year, we tend to focus on a behavior, such as going to the gym more, eating more fruits and veggies, etc. However, developing our knowledge and understanding through learning is essential to being able to perform better. I do this by including goals for books that I want to read, courses I want to take, coaching, etc. in addition to my performance goals. -
Don’t aim for perfection.
As we have said before, perfection should never be the goal. Our mindset has a huge impact on our willingness to follow through on goals in the new year. If you have setbacks, great! That means you have goals and are working towards them. Expect that you will have setbacks and accept them when they come. Just don’t quit or allow those setbacks to make you think you cannot achieve your goals. You might find that your goal was too difficult. That is ok. It might mean it will take you a little longer to achieve it, and you have more steps to complete than you thought you did. It's ok! Just don’t give up. I know I did not meet some of my personal and business goals this year; however, I did meet others. I am celebrating my wins and also planning steps to meet goals this year that I didn’t meet last year.
My Goals
Below are some of the goals that I have planned for the new year for my family. In my family, I visualize my daughter using strategies to cope with her worries as they come up during the day and using those strategies when faced with new and uncertain situations. I also visualize my children completing morning and evening routines with fewer reminders. I envision myself telling my daughters positive things about them each day and seeing their faces light up when I do. Here are a few of my goals based on those visions.
- Read What To Do When You Worry Too Much with my daughter to help her learn more about anxiety and develop a common language of how to talk to her as worries arise. She and I will try 3 new relaxation strategies and implement one each night before bed when she has the most anxiety.
- Implement a daily visual schedule with both of my kids to decrease morning reminders. Create 5 new rewards on a menu to choose from.
- Read 3 parenting books that address improving interactions with our children and decreasing anxiety. On my list are Raising Human Beings (Greene), Freeing your Child From Anxiety (Chamsky), and not sure of 3rd one yet.
- Tell both of my kids 1 thing I love about them each day. Turn my phone off from 6-8 pm to limit distractions.
- Have a mommy/daughter outing with each of them once a month.
Please share some of your parenting goals for the new year. What do you envision for your family and how will you get there? And if you haven't done so already, make sure you sign up for free resources, so that you can get weekly emails with direct links to our newest blogs as well as all of our free guides!
Happy New Year!
Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2019). The development of goal setting theory: A half century retrospective. Motivation and Science, 5(2), 93-105.
