Some days it can feel like your child with ADHD has a vendetta against you. You tell them to go out…they go in. You say stop…they go. You tell them to start their homework, and they look at you and turn on the television. When our kids show defiance and go against our warnings or directions, it can feel downright infuriating. And it can make you question whether you are even a good parent.

First, let’s normalize this: you are not alone! Defiance is one of the most common challenges faced by parents and teachers of children with ADHD. As a psychologist, whenever a parent tells me that their child is defiant, I always try to dig a little deeper to find out why?

The truth is that defiance is often a symptom of a larger problem for the child or with their environment.

Today, I am sharing four possible reasons for defiance in children with ADHD.

1) Executive functioning differences

I remember testing a young girl and asking her to complete some math facts quickly for 1 minute. Af...

A few years ago, I was at a friend’s house hanging out for a much-needed girl’s night (ahhhh…remember those carefree, pre-COVID days). One of the women there started talking about her son’s test anxiety at school. Her son would panic during tests and could not complete the work. When the mother had a meeting with the school to discuss her son’s test anxiety, she was met with an unexpected response.

One of the school staff stated that children don’t have anxiety!

Wow, I felt for this mom. She had painfully endured hearing her son complain of tummy aches at school, freezing and not being able to write during tests, and trying to hide tears running down his cheeks, so his friends couldn’t see. And now, it was affecting his grades because he was not able to show his knowledge. When she finally met with the team, she was met with misinformation and resistance.

To set the record straight, children DO experience anxiety (and every other emotion that we adults feel!). In fact, the CDC es...

I once had a patient named Jerry (a fake name to protect his identity, but with permission to share his story from Jerry and his family).  Jerry was in high school and was very anxious anytime he went out in public. 

His mother reported concerns that they were not able to live a life they wanted because of Jerry’s anxiety. They couldn’t go to the mall, eat out at a restaurant, or go out to stores because he just felt too overwhelmed. And when he did go out, he would wear earplugs AND headphones to avoid his anxiety, neither of which helped. Needless to say, he and his family were ready for change!

I can tell you that after some therapy and LOTS of hard work, I received an email filled with pictures of Jerry at prom, which was attended by over 1,000 people. Now when Jerry goes places, he states, “I’m gonna Lori Long this sh**!"

As much as I love that Jerry made my name into a verb, I can’t take the credit. The techniques we used were from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). And today...

As a parent, the stress of facing repeated mornings of your child crying and refusing to go to school can be incredibly overwhelming. Some days you may feel empathy and want to keep your child safe at home. But other days you totally lose your cool and desperately want to pick them up and force them in the car in their pajamas. It can be hard to know what to do when your child refuses to go to school and how best to handle the situation.

Last week, we covered several reasons why your child might be refusing to go to school. If you missed it, check it out here. This week, we are diving into our top 10 strategies to consider if your child is refusing school.

Top 10 Strategies for School Refusal

1) Validate Emotions

Always start with validating your child’s emotions. Let them know that it’s ok to be worried or afraid. It happens to everyone, including you. Anxiety thrives and grows when it is hidden. Talking about it gives it less power in your child’s life. Your child nee...

If any of you have had your child refuse to go to school, either now or in the past, you know how frustrating and challenging this can be. And what can simply begin with your child not wanting to go to school or not feeling well once a week, can rapidly deteriorate into weeks, months, or even years of school refusal. Over the past few years, I (Lori) have worked with a number of families facing school refusal, and I can tell you that the situation is hard on everyone – the child, the parents, and the school staff. And once in a pattern of refusal, it can be very hard to work your way out. But I want to encourage you that it is possible! So, let’s first jump into finding out why it is happening.

Why is My Child Refusing School?

This is a difficult question and varies from child to child. There can be a number of reasons for your child not wanting to go to school, so we will discuss some of the most common:

1) Anxiety

If your child is refusing to go to school, there is a ver...